Take Heart

The heart is a lonely thing to lose in the dead of the night; The heart is a sad thing to lose in the throes of a fight.... The heart is the dream, and the kiss, that there could be more than this, to keep it burning.
                                                        -Caedmon's Call

     I believe that battles are won and lost in the heart. For example you can say you forgive someone and know that you ought to and have determined in your mind to, but unless it reaches your heart, the peace which comes from forgiveness is absent. Similarly, you can say you love someone and make up your mind to go about doing so but unless your heart is in it, the declarations and actions feel hollow to you and to the recipient. And how many times have we seen athletes walk off the field after a lackluster match and thought regarding the performance, "no heart." After all, all issues of life flow out of the heart. So, if you're fighting for something, but your heart is not in it, it will show in the way you do or don't fight. That's why the lyrics above from the Caedmon's Call song "Manner and Means" resonated so strongly within me. If you're believing for something, then realize that the battle is going to be won on a realm that is unseen. When we are in tough situations- and we will all face tough situations, we need to guard our hearts and ensure that we are surrounding ourselves with faith via the Word and people who speak the Word into our lives. In Proverbs 24:10 it says, "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." I was at a conference when I first came across that verse and the speaker explained it by saying that adversity reveals how strong you really are and how strong you think God is. This really challenged me about how strong I think God is. If I really believe in the God of the Bible, the God who parted the Red Sea, provided the Israelites with manna from Heaven, calls things into being, raised the dead, and led captivity captive, then I need to do more than believe. I need to plunge into His promises. The Bible says that same power lives within us. (Romans 8:11) So what if we acted like that was true? Boldly approach the throne of the Father with confidence; It's a throne of grace from which we can receive in a time of need.

                                                        Much Love,

It's Not Over Yet

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. 

                                         - John Barrymore

      I was watching Peter Pan (the 2003 version) today and the struggle in the movie between holding on to youthful dreams and growing old struck a chord with me. Why does growing old have to mean letting go of our dreams? I think we need to re-examine that position. Growing old is technically an automatic thing, while growing up is optional. There are a lot of older people who let go of their dreams, put on a proper suit for a proper job in a proper office, and still manage not to grow up. You've seen many of the high-profile, male members of this group on the front page of newspapers after getting busted in an affair or some other scandal. What I want is to grow wiser and to always be dreaming and making bold moves in accordance with those dreams as I grow old. Enter the John Barrymore quote from above. It is an encouraging quote for those whose timelines are busted or who are wondering whether it is too late. If you don’t have children who need to be taken care of, it’s definitely not too late to take a new path, pursue the desire you dropped by the wayside, or restart and finish the project you were too rational to defend. Our world is desperately in need of people who are alert and whose hearts and ears are tuned to what is going on around them. In order to be that sort of person, one would have to have taken a path in life that did not cause them to ignore their God-given calling and desires, because those are the people whose hearts are still open and responsive. It’s as Howard Thurman once said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” As long as you’re still breathing, you can turn those “I wish I’d…” statements into, “I’m going to…” So, friend, keep on keeping on.

                                     Much Love

Broken by New York

        They say New York is a city that will either break you or make you. Well, it has definitely broken me. I came here full of dreams of what my life would be like having finally finished graduate school. I would come and find a nice place to live within my first two weeks and then spend the month after that looking for a job. A month was all it would take to find a job because, after all, I had a degree. If you live or have ever lived in New York, you’re laughing at this point. In retrospect, I am too.

       I have been here a year (give or take a few days) and nothing has gone as planned. I do not have a job where I work in a corner office of a tall, impressive building. I don’t even have my own apartment much less my own room. I have gone to sleep some nights not knowing where I would lay my head down the next night and moved more times in one year than some people move their whole lives. All of this has broken me, but in the best way possible. When I came here, my goal was to rock at life, but in my magnanimousness, I would not forget the little people on my rise to the top. Now my heart is moved by the things that break His heart and driven by a desire to live a life where I help others rise. When I came here, I envisioned myself moving in my own strength as I made my dreams come true. Now, I live in the reality that it is not by might, or by power, but by God’s spirit or will that we accomplish anything, whether we bow to His will or not. Having teetered on the precipice of ruin and being blessed, saved, by the intervention of friends and family, the issues of the homeless are closer to my heart than ever before. I see the world differently and understand that no man or woman is an island; No matter how capable we are, we are relational beings and our lives flourish when we live, give, and receive in that knowledge. I seem to have had a heart attack, figuratively speaking, followed by an Ezekiel 36:26 heart transplant. [I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you a heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.] I am beyond glad that the last year in New York has not gone as planned; Life is boring when it goes as planned. God’s plans for us are always better, grander, more challenging, and more fulfilling than our plans.

                                Much Love

Romanced by God

The idea of God as a lover or bridegroom (old testament word for fiancé) is a baffling and awkward thought for most people. Most people who have read Song of Songs would probably admit to feeling a bit uncomfortable the first time they read it. It’s a book of the Bible that is essentially a series of love letters or poems between a lover and his beloved. The lovers are decadent in their praise and expressive in their appreciation for each other. The woman says of her beloved, “I delight to sit in his shade and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” (Song of Songs 2:3 NIV). The man says to her, “Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.” (Song of Songs 2:14 MSG). There is no over-theologizing their physical attraction for each other as they revel in each other’s bodies and express anticipation for coming together. It’s beautiful. The love in Songs is representative of the love God has for us. Jesus refers to himself as the bridegroom (fiancé) in passages such as Matt 9:15, Matt 25:1-10, and John 3:29 and the church as the bride he is coming back for. The powerful bond between two lovers and the feeling of being in love are a strong representation of our relationship with God. There are several levels of intimacy in that relationship, starting with clay-potter, but the greatest level of intimacy is the lover-beloved level which we see played out in Songs. God wants us to know him that deeply and he wants us to rest in his love much like the woman in Songs. So, that was my challenge over the past couple days. I challenged myself to rest in his love and to feel him delighting over me. We all want to be loved and delighted in like the couple in Songs, but God already loves us that much. We know He “so loved the world,” but we sometimes forget that He super loves and is delighted by the individual. (John 3:16). So, instead of listening to praise and worship music like I usually do in my times with God, I made a playlist that reflected the love and adoration in Song of Solomon, but from the man’s perspective. I picked love songs I’ve heard that I wished a man would sing to me and listened to them as if it were coming from God. It was amazing. I walked around for the rest of the day with the kind of glow of a woman who is in love and in return is deeply and passionately loved, because actually, that’s what I am. 

Check out the bottom of the blog page for my "Romanced" playlist.

                                            Much Love

A Couple Things to Get Over

Bored? Here are a couple things to get over while you're waiting for your life to get started.

1. Your timeline. Time is not yours to control. Sorry.
2. Yourself. It's exhausting being too into yourself.
3. Stressing. It doesn't get anything done and the only thing it produces is acne breakouts.
4. Sleep. You can sleep when you're dead. And for those of you who never sleep, get over being awake; You're not missing anything. ;-)
5. Your phone. Put your phone down and pay attention to the conversation you're having, please. Unless your phone can cure cancer and fly or transport you, it's still not that cool.
6. That person you can't forgive. Not forgiving them and letting them know it is tantamount to engaging them in a wrestling match. They can't walk away, but you can't move on either.
7. Endless conversations about saving the world. Don't talk about it; Be about it.
8. Your ex. The relationship wasn't that great and neither was he (or she). And you know it.
9. Crocs. They're unattractive. If you're over the age of 5 and don't work in a hospital, put them away.
10. Your routine. When life goes as planned, it's pretty boring.
11. That habit you've been trying to kick. By get over it, I don't mean give up; I mean kick the habit.
12. Being normal. According to statistics, normal people are stressed, angry, unhappy, divorced (if they were married), and financially unstable. So stop trying to fit in and shoot for something extraordinary.

Wrestling With God

Eight months into the year, and I feel like I'm just getting started with it. I've been wrestling with God this whole year and have gotten to the point where I'm wondering what kind of fool wrestles with God for this long. Oh, yes. Jacob. The point of wrestling with God is not to win, since we can't prevail over Him. The point is to wrestle with God, to stay with Him, to hold on to Him. Just ask Jacob, if you don't believe me. Jacob literally wrestled with Him all night though figuratively, longer. From the time he was in his mother's womb, it was spoken over his life that he would be master over his older brother Esau. Jacob was the twin who received the birthright blessing from his father. Sounds like a good start, right? Things went a little south after his father's blessing. After having to flee his home because of his brother's wrath, working 14 years for his beloved after a deal gone wrong with his uncle, just as he is on the edge of crossing back over into his homeland, he spends the night wrestling with God. (Genesis 32). Near the end of the ultimate wrestling match, his hip bone is wrenched from its socket. Still, he refuses to let go saying, "I will not let go until you bless me." (Gen 32:26) Therein lies the victory. After that statement, he is renamed and called Israel because he had "struggled with God and with humans and overcome." (Genesis 32:28) Refuse to let go when you've reached the end of your everything.